


Hypnophobia

by mattaretto



Series: Phobias [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 12:12:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17059553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattaretto/pseuds/mattaretto
Summary: Being afraid of sleeping is difficult, but it’s also beautiful.





	Hypnophobia

**Author's Note:**

> hyp·no·pho·bi·a  
> /ˌhipnəˈfōbēə/  
> noun  
> an abnormal fear of falling asleep

Staying up late into the night meant a lot of things. For one, it meant you knew exactly who had nightmares, who didn’t, who went to the gym late at night or early in the morning, who got up first, who went to bed last. It meant you knew that Natasha would get midnight snacks at 1 am when she thought no one was awake, that Clint most often liked to sleep in the vents, that Steve got nightmares just as bad as his friend but would never say anything. 

It also meant that you knew Bucky would go into the gym for the majority of the night, sleeping two hours at a time; two hours after he went to bed and two hours before he woke. It seemed he was only able to go two hours without getting a nightmare. 

Of course no one knew you stayed up so late, that your reliance on coffee was heavier than anyone thought. That even though you despised it, you made your coffee black so it was stronger and put energy drinks in it. If anyone had even an inkling of an idea that you didn’t sleep, they’d pin it on nightmares like they do with everyone else. 

It was another night, another night you were to scared to sleep. You had seen numerous doctors about it, with suggestions ranging from therapy (which you tried several times) to prescriptions of large doses of sleeping medication. Anytime you tried a medication it would work for a few hours before you woke with your chest tight and barely able to breathe. 

Seeing it was 2am, you knew Natasha had already gone back to bed and that Bucky was in the gym. Deciding you wanted to do something, you got out of bed and walked to the common room to watch a movie, hopefully that would keep you up. Despite having a TV in your room, you prefered the atmosphere the common room brought. You took your fluffy blanket, some adult coloring books, and coloring pencils with you to the common room. 

Humming slightly, you walked the corridor to the common room, debating whether or not to get coffee or an energy drink. You strolled into the room, setting your fluffy blanket on the extensive couch and the coloring book and pencils on the coffee table. You turned on the TV before padding into the kitchen, not taking notice that the light was already on in the room. You started making your coffee, filling half the mug with black coffee and the other half with an energy drink. 

“That’s really unhealthy, you know.” The voice startled you and you jumped slightly, whipping around to see who had spoken. Bucky stood in the doorway, small towel thrown over his shoulder.

“Why’re you not in the gym?” You looked him over, he was wearing dark sweats that hung low on his hips and a plain white t-shirt. He narrowed his eyes, looking you up and down. 

“And how do you know I’m usually in the gym at this hour?” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“You think you’re the only one who’s up late at night?” You rolled your eyes, picking up your mug and taking a drink of the vile liquid. 

“Why aren’t you asleep?” You walked to the common room with your mug, Bucky following you. You sat down, wrapping your blanket around yourself and grabbing the remote. 

“Can’t sleep.” You shrugged and turned on the TV, flipping through channels until you found something you wanted to watch. 

“So you’re drinking coffee and an energy drink?” He raised an eyebrow, “That’s not going to help you sleep.” He plopped himself on one of the chairs, reaching over to pick up one of the coloring books. 

“Who said I wanted to sleep?” You asked, shrugging and taking another a drink of coffee. You snatched the coloring book out of his hand and set it down, “If you’re only here to criticize me, you can leave.” He kept you company for another two hours before he went to bed, not speaking the entire time. 

You sat on your bed, wrapped up in your blanket with book in hand. You weren’t feeling well, your abnormally fast metabolism doing nothing to keep your from being sick. It was 12 am and even though you needed sleep, you couldn’t. 

There was a soft knock on your door and you sighed, “Who is it and what do you want?” Your voice was scratchy and you sounded just as bad as you looked. The door opened slightly and you looked up, seeing Bucky pushing the door open with his hip and holding a tray of food. 

“I brought you some soup, to at least get some food in you, if you’re not going to rest.” He shut the door with his foot and walked over, sitting beside you on the California King bed. He set the bed tray down in front of you, taking the book from your hands and setting it down. 

“You didn’t have to bring me food, Buck.” You picked up the bowl of soup, lifting the spoon to your lips so eat some. 

“I know, doll, but being sick with your metabolism isn’t good. You need to keep your energy up.” 

“Fine, but can you read my book to me? It’s starting to get really interesting and I wanna know what happens.” He rolled his eyes but nodded, opening up the book and reading it to you as you ate. 

Three months later you found yourself past the point of exhaustion. There were no missions until next week, which you were thankful for. Even as you sipped from your coffee at breakfast, your eyes felt heavy and you wanted to fall asleep right there. Everyone was chattering, not paying any attention to you. 

“When was the last time you slept?” Bucky asked as he took his seat beside you, setting down his plate of eggs and bacon. 

“I don’t know. I think it’s been a few days.” You yawned, rubbing your eyes and downing the rest of your coffee, your face scrunching up as you did. 

“What’d you put in it this time?” He asked, shoveling food into his mouth. 

“Red bull and three 5-hour energies.” You answered, setting the cup down and picking up your fork. 

“That sounds disgusting.” The past three months had been long, full of sleepless nights and panic attacks when you did fall asleep. Bucky had been doing his best to help with it since he found you making coffee at 2 am. He began spending less time in the gym and more time with you in the common room or your room. He made sure to keep an eye on you during the day as well incase you passed out from exhaustion. Him hanging out with you seemed beneficial for him, sleeping more and having less nightmares. 

“It is.” You muttered, continuing to eat your food. 

“You need to try and get some sleep, doll.” You sighed, though he knew about your fear and how you woke in a panic, he always tried to help you get as much sleep as possible. 

“You know what’ll happen.” 

“And I’ll be there when it does.” He smiled and patted your leg, you spent the rest of breakfast in silence. 

Several hours later you were in the gym with Sam and Steve, Bucky there as well even though he wasn’t required to be. Steve had decided that you needed to know how to fight in the dark, incase something happened and you would be left unable to see. It had started out easy enough, using your hearing to track their movements around the ring. Then Sam managed to land a blow to your head and everything became fuzzy. You weren’t sure if he had really hit you that hard or you were just to tired, or if it was a combination of both. 

Your knees hit the floor in a second, the rest of your body falling forward. Unable to catch yourself before you hit the ground, your face smacked off the ground, a crunching sound resonating through the room. 

“(Y/N)!” Bucky shouted, knowing that it was you that had hit the ground. 

“Get back up.” Steve ordered, “Try again.” 

“Steve-” 

“She can do it, Buck.” He snapped, cutting his friend off, but you couldn’t, and Bucky was aware of that. You whined slightly, feeling the blood pool around your head from not catching yourself and landing on your face. 

“No, Steve, she can’t.” He said, the lights turning on and running over to you. He kneeled beside you, rolling you onto your side. 

“Holy shit, I didn’t think I hit you that hard.” You barely could hear Sam, your vision and hearing fading in and out. 

“Bu-Buc..” You tried speaking, reaching up for Bucky. 

“I know, doll, I’ll take you the medic, but when I pick you up you gotta keep your head forward for me, okay? I don’t want blood running into your stomach or lungs.” You barely nodded, leaning your head forward like he had asked you too. 

Bucky looked at the woman laying in the hospital bed, knowing it would only be a few minutes before the medicines wore off and you woke up in a panic. He was glad that you were getting some rest, even if it was medically induced, you needed it. 

He was holding your hand in both of his, waiting for the second you woke. He would have to calm you down, pray he was able too. Some days calming you down was easy, others it took hours before you finally calmed down- on those nights you usually passed out from lack of oxygen. 

He lifted his head when the heart monitors started beep rapidly as your heart rate rose, the meds were wearing off and you was panicking. He continued to hold your hand in his, raising his left hand to smooth back your hair. 

“Hey, hey, hey, shhh, I’m here, you’re okay.. Everything’s okay.” He murmured.

“What happened?” You groaned, turning your head to look at him. 

“Sam hit you in the back of the head, you broke your nose and passed out. You have a mild concussion.” He spoke softly, his brows furrowed together. Seeing him so worried about you, made something inside of you change. 

After that day you told the team of your fear, no one poking fun at you. They understood, in a way they were afraid of going to sleep too, they didn’t want to get nightmares either. Tony and Bruce worked to make sleeping medicine that would work with your high metabolism. It took a few months to get it, but they eventually did and you were able to sleep through the night. 

Bucky and you only grew closer, and when you stopped relying on caffeine he helped you through your withdrawals. By the end of everything, you and him had started dating. You never knew having hypnophobia could end up in something so great. 


End file.
